So Husband and I were chatting about the whole Oscar-security-worker-wages-protest thing.

Storm Trooper Minions ProtestFor anyone who missed it last month, security workers charged with keeping big-ticket events like the Academy Awards safe were receiving very low wages. So low, in fact, that a single red-carpet ballgown often out-valued their annual salaries.

The (not-as-self-evident-as-one-might-assume) point was made that if we want to safeguard expensive dresses (let alone the talented actors who wear them), we might want to pay our security staff a more reasonable wage.

Anyway, Husband suggested that this same problem occurs regularly in our scifi and fantasy worlds. He suggested that perennial henchmen also suffer from a lack of salary and benefits, causing their job performance to suffer in the meantime. (Would someone PLEASE write or link me to a short story about minion job dissatisfaction?)

Think about it. Job dissatisfaction among minions accounts for:

  • lack of training and self-improvement (“I wonder whether this doom’s day device should be making that sound…”)
  • lack of conviction (“Lower your weapons, guys. No way I’m getting shot for eight bucks an hour.”)
  • lack of pride in performance (“It’s raining. Let’s not check the whole perimeter and alcoves.”)
  • dishonesty (“Do you think we should tell him the princess escaped?” “Naw, I’m sure it’s fine.”)
  • lack of loyalty (“Of course I accept gift certificates to Denny’s as a bribe.”)

Most importantly, this theory accounts for why armies of Storm Troopers seem unable to hit the broadside of a barn. They just aren’t that motivated.

Can anyone think of other minion-fails that can be chalked up to lack of benefits and minimal pay?